By Jenny Erlingsson
There are times when I wish I had a giant pause button. Stop the busyness and the nonstop around me. Mute the noise and buzz and let time stand still so that I can breathe. Catch my breath and catch up to me, the me at times that I feel has left me behind, that girl with big dreams and joy in her smile, passion in her stride, complete trust of her Savior in her eyes…
As a pastor I love that I get to daily be a part of encouraging people, especially women, ministering to them, praying for them, partnering with Jesus to extend his love to those around. I love that I get to be a mom and a wife. Seeing the things that I prayed for less than a decade ago walking and running and playing around me. Doing life with a wonderful man who loves me dearly. I am blessed beyond measure but I know at times I forget to take in every moment. I forget to be present and to seek out God’s will and ways in the midst of all that I’m doing.
I don’t know if anyone else ever feels this way. Realizing that you’ve gotten so caught up in doing that you forgot how to “be”. Moving out and about for so long, that just “being” feels foreign, as if the rest He promised us is not enough, striving instead of abiding like we were truly intended to.
We were not intended for this. The constant rush and hurry, going about our days in a state of crazy, missing moments that were meant to remind us of eternity, giving away the best of us to worry and being left with only fumes for the ones and things that matter most.
I want to do what matters most. I want to do the things that cause my Jesus to smile and be proud, the things that make him laugh. To catch my breath because he is swinging me into his arms for a dance or maybe just embracing me because I am his. Because he paid the price for my belonging. And from my belonging I want joy to overflow into all the people and positions that I’ve been given. For passion to rekindle and to flow into the purpose that I was born for.
You see we don’t belong to anyone else but him. But if we work hard to please everyone else first, to prove ourselves, to determine our own worth through surface achievements, we end up belonging to everyone and everything else.
When our women’s conference, She Revolution started in 2008 the message was simple, we wanted to get back to God’s original divine intent for us. We wanted to be women who knew how to Seek His Embrace and allow His Embrace to transform every part of our lives. And in all the years of messages and conferences and gatherings that is what stands out to me the most. My true affirmation only comes from Him, from my Father in Heaven.
But it has to be more than words and more than single events. The Lord wants to bring us into a place where we silence the voices that get us off course, the trappings that distract us from our true path, the path to his presence. His voice brings the pause to the commotion entering us in to His rest. That is the place we belong and out of that place, we can accomplish wondrous things by His Spirit and with Joy.
So for me and for my sisters I pray…
Speak Lord, the way you do so tenderly that unmasks the part of me I would rather stay hidden, stay hiding instead of abiding, stay sinking in the ocean of rejection when you have called me higher, to dance on the water. Speak Lord, say my name so sweetly, say the words you breathed from eternity, set straight all the thoughts I think of me with the name that establishes my true identity. Speak Lord.
Lest I fall again, fail to be yours and move with the wind of doubt and insecurity. Bumped off course by what I think they did to me, off my rhythm because of my skewed perception or even perhaps intentional rejection. Shift my perspective, let me see the worlds you create with your words, let me see the height and breadth of your majesty that moves me from complacency into friendship and mystery, let me see the beauty you make of ashes when you speak Lord.
When you speak Lord, to fragile me. So gently allured from the insanity of striving and trying to the safety of your shadow, peaking out to see your glory overshadow, overshadowing me with the glory of your presence. I choose to be present in every moment, craving the words that you drip like honey to my lips. The sweetness of your serenade calming my fearful heart, you give me a new song that you and I know only, birthed from the secret place of just you and me. I find me fully Whole when you speak Lord so speak please.
Jenny Erlingsson is a pastor on staff at The Rock FWC in Huntsville, AL but most importantly she is a wife, mother, and daughter of her heavenly King. She is the author of the book Becoming His: Finding Your Place as a Daughter of God. For more info and more visit www.jennyerlingsson.com.